I found this among Ali’s things when I finally found the strength to go and collect her and her things from Mark’s after the events of Aurora. It comforted me to see how she felt about me, written down in her own hand, just a few hours before her death. We had been going through a trial separation, after a huge fight over her lingering feelings for Joel, and I had been feeling a tremendous amount of guilt and upset over the fact that I’d not been there for her during the last few days of her life.
I include a message of her note here, as it seems fitting to end a book celebrating Ali’s life with her words. This is the way that I will always remember her.
Sitting up in bed, admiring the wedding band that you slipped on my finger all those years ago, I feel…I know that you are the best man for me. You make me happier than anyone else has ever done, from the moment I became Mrs. Ross, there wasn’t any other man that came close.
I love you, and you make me feel…god I don’t even know…just when I’m with you I feel secure and calm for the first time. There’s no game playing, and we’re thinking about life in the same way. You love me despite all my quirks and insecurities, I don’t have to put on a show with you. It just feels right: I know that you wanted me to be sure, that I truly loved you, and not Joel, and I can honestly say that I do.
It’s taken me a long time to be able to admit it to myself, never mind admit it to you, but I’m ready now. I love you, and couldn’t imagine wanting another man the way that I want you. You make everything simple, and give me a sense of peace I never found with Joel. Okay, I’m rambling now, and I need some coffee.
You are the finest, strongest man I’ve ever met, and I pray to god that we’re together for many years to come.
Copyright Emily Morris 2016
Musings of a thirtysomething woman 